Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Unconditional love
Last night Jan and I were at the dining room table, each involved in a project. Jan is tackling a tough jigsaw puzzle and I’m on step 2 of a new Lego floral piece. She left the room for a minute as my phone text alert went off. I found my phone and pressed the right button to find a text from Ted and Sarah in Los Angeles. I got a gut punch as I read:
They had to take Seymour, my grandcat, to the emergency vet. He was not eating and he seemed very uncomfortable so off to the ER they went.
The vet is keeping Seymour to “try and stabilize him”, according to Ted. He and Sarah are beside themselves with worry and sorrow. I’m a nurse, so I couldn’t help but surmise that trying to stabilize Seymour may not bode well for him. He is a nineteen year old sweet old guy with kidney disease. I immediately contacted my prayer chaplain colleagues asking for prayers for Seymour, Ted, and Sarah. The prayers came in to me quickly, hoping for the best possible outcome for Seymour and for strength, love and peace for Ted and Sarah.
I was a bit tearful when Jan returned to the table. I told her what is going on. We both know that Ted and Sarah will be bereft when the time comes for Seymour to cross the rainbow bridge. While I was out there with them earlier this month, Ted was holding the old boy and said, “You know, Seymour is definitely mine and Sarah’s support animal.”
Jan and I started talking about the agony of losing a beloved pet. We have each lost dogs that we loved fiercely and who loved us back just as intensely. In my lifetime I have been with each one as they took their last breath. We are so attached to those who have left us that we sometimes keep their ashes with us. And I know the exact spots in my past homes where I have buried two dogs and a rabbit. I still carry sharp edges of grief for each one.
Jan said that the only way she knows to live with the sorrow is to find another dog – not to ever replace the one that is gone, but to experience the joy of another relationship. No matter how much we love our animals, I don’t think we are able to mimic the unconditional love that comes from a four legged creature in our care. I asked the question, “Do you think humans are capable of unconditional love?”, and answered it myself. Not always. I think relationships between people often have strings attached between both parties. The strings may be created lovingly, in order to join the space between us, but there may always be some conditions or expectations.
I read an article in Healthline about unconditional love: “People aren’t perfect and nearly everyone makes a few choices they regret. Unconditional love, however, requires unconditional acceptance. So, you forgive mistakes and continue to offer love and acceptance even- and this is important – if their choices distress you or cause harm. You can’t love someone unconditionally unless your love remains unchanged despite their actions.” (“What’s (Unconditional) Love Got to Do With it?”, September 2020). That seems like a tall order and reminds me of the importance of forgiveness, but that’s for another blog.
So today I will wait to hear news from the West Coast. There is a chance that if Seymour doesn’t survive, my boy and Sarah may not be able to put their loss into words for a while. I will have to live with the uncertainty. I thank God that they have each other even if they need to retreat to their own corners sometimes to work through the grief. Meanwhile I will keep praying for the three of them.