Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Forgiveness
At church yesterday the lesson topic was on Forgiveness. Our minister gave many reasons why choosing forgiveness is good for body, mind and soul. Forgiveness is one way, as they say in 12 Step meetings, to “clear the wreckage of the past.” When I think back far enough I can remember times when I let bitterness and anger about someone or something done keep me in a psychic cage. When I had done all I could do to lighten this load it all came down to the courage of forgiveness.
The path to forgiveness is filled with lessons. First I have to become willing – and that is a challenge sometimes. If I spend too much time thinking about how I’ve been wronged I stay in a state of denial about my part in any of these situations. Not until I unravel the facts of the situation am I able to even think about the willingness to forgive. Sometimes I learn how I contributed to the situation that resulted in my being hurt and angered. This is a huge step in the right direction because I can partly understand why the other person responded as they did. This is not easy, but it is necessary for any willingness to come forth in me.
There is a documentary called “Forgiving Dr. Mengele”. It was released in 2006 and chronicles the psychological unfolding of a huge act of forgiveness. Eva Mozes Kor and her twin sister were young girls when they were sent to Auschwitz Concentration Camp with their parents and siblings. As soon as they got off the train, they were identified as twins and immediately taken from their mother. Little did they know about what faced them. She and her twin sister, Miriam, were taken to a barracks where other twins were living.
They soon found out that they were going to be subject to the pure evil of Dr. Joseph Mengele. He used twins to conduct horrific genetic medical experiments on the children. Many did not survive his cruelty. Somehow Eva and her sister did, although Miriam died at a young age because of the damage done to her body. Eva never saw her parents or siblings again. She managed to stay alive until the Allied forces came to Auschwitz and rescued those who survived the camp.
At some point in her older adult life she realized that the hatred she felt towards Dr. Mengele was eating away at her soul. She then began the voyage that led to her being able to forgive Mengele for what he had done to her and so many others. She traveled extensively, giving talks on the inner peace and wholeness that came to her when she released her rage and hurt. As she said many times, she did not condone his actions but she was able to forgive him – not for his sake, but for hers.
She came up against a lot of resistance from other survivors of the Holocaust. They would angrily ask her how she could do such a thing. Her answer was always so she could have freedom from rage and betrayal. Freedom and peace of mind are two of the gifts of forgiveness.
There are two statements about forgiveness that stay with me. One is that we have trouble forgiving when we desperately wish the past were different. We may know very well that what happened in the past is not subject to change. What we learn through forgiveness is that our attitudes about what happened are the only things we can change. The second thing is a quotation: “You know you have forgiven someone when they have safe passage through your mind.”
I have learned so much any time I set out to apply the salve of forgiveness to my wound. I feel lighter and more at peace when I let go of the burden of resentment, hurt, and anger. Not saying it’s easy – am saying it’s worth it.