Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Something bigger
Yesterday’s morning’s meditation from Richard Rohr speaks of our aching need to believe in Something bigger than we are. That’s a basic premise in 12 Step work – there’s Something that has more power than we ever dreamed of having, and that Something holds the key to personal recovery. I’m reading a book called “Original Living” by Robert Brumet and another book called “Breathing Underwater” by Richard Rohr. Both books advocate learning to reach out of our small selves in search of Truth. Moving beyond our simple ego’s self-serving wishes is a pathway to transformation.
While checking the news on Facebook I came across a video of a 13 year old boy playing a beautiful violin rendition of Leonard Cohen’s iconic song, Hallelujah. No matter what version I hear I am transported out of my thinking mind into my feeling soul. It seems to me that any virtuoso, even a young boy, has the ability to lean into the Something, the sacred energy that powers the universe. That, to me, represents a holy transformation, even if it’s just for a few minutes. It gives me hope to know that there are seekers looking for an opportunity to add beauty and peace to their surroundings, like the musicians in Ukraine who played their instruments in the bomb shelters as Russia rained terror on them aboveground.
It is crucial for me to believe in that Something. I choose to call it God on a good day. But if I’m not careful I can fall into the trap of admiring the altars of what I call my “little-g gods”. They are usually things that in the past have brought me comfort, or have quelled some random anxiety, or have satisfied some temporary urge. Inevitably, once I’ve worshiped them, the outcome is that I am never satisfied or settled. Instead I am uncomfortable in my own skin and ashamed of my choices. Even though it takes energy to squash an impulse, it is worth the effort to me. Then with a clear mind I can look for the best alternative action.
Yesterday at church, my minister talked about how to live with people and get along in life. This was another message about getting out of my own way. I can do this by recognizing the sacred in another person, and depending on God within and without to show me how to love another soul. She spoke of the effort to really listen to anyone who is a source of “irritation”. So often, the source of my irritation is an unconscious, or conscious, recognition of something in me that I know I need to turn over to God.
This was a message I really needed because I was ignorant to Jan as I left for church. She called me on it and I recognized that part of me that does not like to be interrupted when I’m on a mission. I get huffy if I’m asked to do something when I’m running late – as if I am too important to be disturbed by a simple request from another person. The two books I am reading insist that I can overcome acting from my small, egoistic self – the one that idolizes the little-g gods. This is the self that invariably has to apologize for my self-absorption and blind eye tendency.
Anyway, I am so grateful for all the insight and education that comes from belonging to spiritual groups and reading books on spiritual matters. Reading the two books right now call me to pay attention to what really matters: any effort to improve the self that I live from. Life is so much better when I practice what I am learning.