Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Lesson learned
I was awake at 4:45 this morning, so up I got and bumbled my way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. My day does not begin in earnest until caffeine soaks into the little brain crevices in my head. I have a busy day ahead – pack, shower, say goodbye to Jan as we go our separate ways, wait for the Uber guy to carry me to the airport, face whatever is waiting in the terminal, settle in on the airplane, get to Saint Louis where Rose is picking me up, thank the nice woman who stayed with Mollie this week, have some dinner with Rose, get ready for tomorrow’s workday.
I also have a fence to mend this morning, if at all possible. I made a phone call on Saturday to a friend who is not in a good space. We had lunch with her on Friday and I left our outing very worried about her. I thought about her the rest of Friday and Jan and I talked about me calling her. She and I have the kind of friendship where the table is always open for honest dialogue. So, I called on Saturday morning and we spent an hour on the phone. My filter was missing and I probably crossed a couple of lines in our conversation as I hammered home my best advice. When I say hammered, I mean I was as direct as I can be. In retrospect, I let my lousiest “therapist” mode run wild. Before I leave this morning I will call and hope she picks up. I owe her an amends for thinking I know better than she does what she needs to do about her situation.
After a debacle with Ted and Sarah once, where I expressed an opinion that was not solicited, I try really hard to ask if my opinion is wanted. I learned the bitter lesson about inserting myself where I was not invited and nearly ruined a sweet relationship with Sarah. Since then I have practiced a new rule of do not offer advice unless it is solicited. I forgot that rule on Saturday.
Today I will travel light. I will pack my sundries in my little suitcase and Jan will bring it home with her whenever she decides to drive home. I will carry my purse and a leather tote. The only things coming home with me are my computer and a wonderful book that I have just started. Rose told me about it, so I sent away for it as I always do when someone recommends a good book. The author is Kathleen Dowling Singh who made her transition in 2017, but not before writing several books. She was a Buddhist practitioner whose writing centered around the importance of being awake and aware to life’s possibilities.
This book is titled, “The Grace in Aging – Awaken as you grow older”. One chapter into it and I’m hooked. One review says, “The Grace in Aging establishes guideposts in the fog for those seeking greater meaning and fulfillment as they edge toward life’s grand finale: Singh urges us to reclaim the process of aging. The impact is exhilarating.” Spirituality and Health. Next year I will turn 75. I don’t know why it is so important for me to arrive at that milestone with a modicum of grace and insight, but apparently it is. I am grateful that, other than mild concern about a few body parts wearing out, I am not really sure how a 74 year old is supposed to feel. Singh writes, “Even those of us with a longing to awaken oftentimes find ourselves caught between that longing and our fears…if we have any chance to awaken, this is our last chance.”
And so it is on Monday, November 27, 2023. I’ve got miles to go before I sleep again.