Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Anniversaries
Jan and I have two anniversaries. We were living in New Mexico, a state that made gay marriage legal on December 19, 2013. I remember that day. I came home from work and Jan was weeping over the announcement in the New Mexican newspaper that reported on this significant event. Something she never thought she would see in her lifetime was now a reality. She had lived her life under wraps professionally and with her family, so the legalization of this intimate sacrament made her heart swell.
Today marks eight years since we took advantage of our legal right to marry, and invited Pastor Brandon to our house. He was the perfect person to marry us because we loved him as a person and as a spiritual leader. We stood in front of the kiva fireplace in our living room where a few of our friends had gathered to be our witnesses. Brandon had performed many ceremonies in the seven months since the measure passed the New Mexico legislature. He was as happy as we were that we could have that piece of paper signed by the court clerk declaring us free to marry.
But this was not our first ceremony to celebrate our life together. On July 22, 2006, in St. Louis, Missouri, our Episcopal priest, Anne, performed a commitment ceremony at Trinity Episcopal Church, our church home at the time. It was a beautiful ceremony. Our best friends stood up for us, Jackie played the flute for us, Ted read from scripture, and Anne took the chance of being a part of a ceremony that was not exactly approved by the church. Our friends and a few family members attended. We had a grand reception afterwards, catered by a friend of ours.
And if that wasn’t enough, we took a bunch of friends to the Macaroni Grill for dinner.
There is something magical about such ceremonies. They have been considered beyond the pale, a phrase that means “outside the bounds of acceptable behavior”. There is something empowering about going up against “traditions” and creating new ones. In my opinion, they are brave and beautiful declarations of the human right to love another human, regardless of societal regulations.
For us, on both occasions, we could feel the love of our companions who so easily supported our commitment to each other. The Priest and the Pastor both cared deeply for us and were happy to help us “tie the knot”. The joy in the rooms was palpable.
Now we face the possibility that a group of conservatives in the supreme court may open the way to declare our marriage “illegal”. There are still groups of people who deeply disapprove of our way of life and would like to see us put in our place – a place of discrimination and hatred. When I think of that possibility I wonder how us being an old married couple in any way infringes on anyone else’s rights. It’s simplistic, but, really, if you don’t approve of gay marriage then don’t marry a gay.
Anyway, our friend Rose honors both dates. Yesterday there was a card from her celebrating our marriage. She never forgets, even though Jan and I once let June 11 slip by without remembering the significance of the day. Shame on us. Lots of people worked really hard to make sure we had this right. God bless them and God bless those who continue to work for our human rights!