Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Glass half full
My preference is to see the glass with something in it, on its way to being full. Some days that is harder than others. I’ve barely been up for an hour and already the day is taking a shape that might carry a problem or two. I have obligations – my 12 step group, my spiritual counselor, a haircut, and a church board meeting. Those are not the issue. Those I will enjoy.
It appears that I might be in a tight spot with my new doctor, whom I cannot see until September 1. I have prescriptions that are set to be refilled and the doctor’s office refuses to do so until I am seen. Now, I am not a new patient to that practice, but my former doctor up and left for New York City, so I need a new practitioner. These prescriptions are the ones that help me maintain my mental health and I have been on them for years. There is no bargaining about this. I have laid myself at the mercy of whoever does the scheduling for that office. I will see anyone who is available. I’ve sent messages and I will call today.
With everything else that is going on, including the real threat that my same sex marriage may be vulnerable to another gross dereliction by SCOTUS, this prescription issue is a tipping point.
It reminds me of a Catch 22 that places me in a dangerous spot. I don’t think of myself as a fearful person, except when it comes to my mental health. I am still afraid of the big D, although we have come to an uneasy agreement that I will come out the other side. I just would prefer not entering the rabbit hole in the first place.
So, my melodrama today will be dependent upon the understanding of a person on the other end of the phone. A person who is doing her job. A person who does not know me, mostly because I hardly ever need to go into the office. I am at her (I assume) mercy.
It’s only Wednesday and already there have been some tough times this week. It’s mostly about my self-care, or lack of it. I am at a turning point where I need to take some actions on my own behalf. I know just what I need to do and am on my way one step at a time. When the prescription issue raised its head this morning my first feeling was a stab of fear followed by a brief pity party where I wondered, “Why me?”. That is not helpful at all, so I didn’t stay there long.
Even as I write this I am going to my happy place where I can pray about this and be open for guidance. I am so grateful that such a place exists, and I credit my Unity experience that showed me the way. There is a heart space where I go when I am troubled, and I listen for that still, small, voice. Only I don’t think of the voice as still or small, rather it is a wisdom bearer that reminds me that a problem is a solution waiting to be discovered.
This morning I will pray that the person who gets my call will be open to working with me. I have every reason to believe that she (I assume) will do just that. For this possibility, I am grateful. This is how I will approach my dilemma – a solution waiting to be found, and a half full glass.