04/25/2022
Lynn Murphy Mark
I got plenty of nothin’
When I set out to write a brief piece I usually have a direction in which to go. A random thought made of an idea bubbles up and I start writing. However, I’ve never started writing with a blank mind, so this is a grand experiment. I might get in 4 sentences or this might turn into a blog that I can post. My dictionary app defines “blog” as follows: “A website containing a writer’s or group of writers’ own experiences, observations, opinions, etc., and often having images or links to other websites.”
I have experiences, observations, and, for sure, plenty of opinions. Just ask me. One thing I have learned later in life is to judiciously share my opinion, hopefully only when I am asked to do so. Sometimes opinions are not solicited and the offering of them does not sit well with the recipient. I once imposed my point of view on to one of my children and their significant other. My opinion was not requested or necessary. As a result, I caused quite a bit of pain and anger. It took a lot of apologizing and asking for forgiveness for that fence to be mended. I will not trample where I don’t belong again. At least, I’ll try to think before I emote.
Here comes a little lesson about the Enneagram, an ancient practice of determining personality traits. There are nine basic “types” of people, each of which has strengths and wounds. Each type has a descriptive title. I am a 9, known as the Peacemaker. This sounds like an attractive option given the popularity of war and conflict. However, it is really more of a deficit because I have spent much of my life trying to avoid any conflict. Seeking harmony at all costs, I have left issues un-addressed and unsolved. I have boundaries with gaps, which defeats the purpose of a boundary in the first place. In my search for peace I have believed that “if you’re OK, then I’m OK”. On the surface I appear to be serene, but I have a stubborn streak where I resist doing anything that I don’t want to do.
There are times when I should speak up, when communication is required to resolve an issue. I have worked to overcome my default mode, which has been to go along even if on the inside I know that I don’t want to. I have said yes, when the honest answer would be to express why I am unable to do what is asked. Then I have found a convenient excuse not to follow through on my commitment. I don’t do that anymore, but I have plenty of memories of avoiding actions that I didn’t want to do in the first place.
Studying the Enneagram has been life-changing in many ways. I am better at facing and resolving conflict. I have learned about boundaries and how to behave in healthier ways. Being able to respectfully say “No” has made me more comfortable in my skin.
Well, look at this. Here’s today’s blog! Who knew?