Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Finding home
“Home,” says Glinda the Good, “is a place we all must find, child. It’s not just a place where you eat or sleep. Home is knowing. Knowing your mind, knowing your heart, knowing your courage. If we know ourselves, we’re always home, anywhere.” [3]
This morning, Richard Rohr’s meditation is about different ways to think of “home”. A lot of the writing focused on the journey that Dorothy took in the land of Oz. This is not just a childhood movie about tornados and witches and little dogs too! I think even Carl Jung would appreciate all the layers of meaning and all the archetypes represented in the movie. The quotation above caught my attention as one of the best definitions of home there is. Granted, some homes are anything but idyllic and some are places to be left far behind.
There is a Welsh word, “Hiraeth”, that means a feeling of deep longing to return to something or someplace that is actually now long gone, or perhaps never was. While it’s not as compelling as it used to be, when I think of my little house in Webster Groves where my children and I grew up, there are times when I would give anything to be back there with Ted and Jackie. Of course they now have homes of their own and are very much grown, mature, good people with their own versions of Hiraeth.
Last night we had dinner with two friends. We are all in our 70’s, with two of the gathering preparing to greet 80 this year. The conversation was lively and fun. But the serious moments came when the discussion turned to where we want to be when we can no longer do for ourselves. What will home mean then? Our friends spend half a year here and half a year in a beautiful spot near Seattle. They have formed communities in both places. Some day they will have to decide where their “permanent” home will be located. I suspect this is a decision that most of us elders will face at some point. And the ultimate decision to be made is how we want to depart this life. Then the definition of home is up for grabs.
Our friends have made their St. Louis home lovely, welcoming, and comfortable. It is a place where their marriage is celebrated and sustained every day. I’m sure their other home is equally as beautiful and warm. But some day they will have to make a choice between their two places. As I grow older I try to visualize what home will be like when and if I become dependent on others for my wellbeing. I am not really a woman of means, so public benefits will have to appear to pay for my care. Sometimes in these discussions someone will say, “But you have two children!”. Yes, I do. But, the responsibility for what to do when I become one of the frail elderly requires a plan that does not disrupt their lives. My goal is to live independently for as long as possible and then go to a care facility when I’m no longer safe in my own home.
As an old hospice nurse I have spent hours visiting patients in nursing homes. There are facilities where “home” would be the right word, but in my experience this is not the situation in many cases. If the time comes that I leave my own home and enter into an alternate location, I pray that I will be in that place that the good witch, Glynda, mentions: “If we know ourselves we’re always home, anywhere.”