Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
A dry spell
Coffee’s made. Mollie Dog has been fed and taken outside. Christmas music is coming through my apple air pods. My fingers rest on the keyboard but no energy is flowing through them, so far, anyway. Usually I get this far and the writing happens pretty quickly. Not today. Maybe I’m not meant to write anything today. Maybe a small amount of dullness of spirit is setting in. It’s the time of year for that – darkness comes early and skies can be gray for days. The Holiday Season is upon us with its hustle and bustle and its expectations that occur without being invited.
For anyone who is touched by Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD, this can be a tricky time. Less daylight, less sunshine at this time of year have taught me that I need a “happy lamp”. So, artificial sunshine comes from an iPad sized lamp right next to my computer. I believe it makes a difference and would recommend it to anyone who finds Winter a challenge.
I never know when, or if, I will experience this SADness. How I feel today may be a result of a busy couple of days out with people. I enjoy this as it happens, but being a high introvert means that I need to retreat to recharge. But that won’t happen today. It’s a busy Sunday. I’ve got responsibilities at church, then I’m picking up Katie who is in town for Thanksgiving, then we’ll hang out for a while and then we’ll all go over to Rose’s house for another epicurean episode. Each of these things make me happy so I expect the day to look up as it moves along.
Something I do to myself is to spend time in my past as Christmas approaches. In 12 Step life, one of the promises is that “We won’t regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” My memories of Christmases past are very much alive at this time of year. When I take these memories out of the vault in my brain the result can sometimes be a deep sorrow for what was and will not be again. When I feel myself going to this little pit I have to stop short and vow to stay in the present time so I won’t miss opportunities to make new memories.
One new memory will be the little artificial tree that is proudly displaying itself in the living room. It is only four feet tall, so we have it up on an end table. I unpacked it from its box and stood it upright. Jan spent several hours making the branches look just right. It has white lights, and pine cones, and holly berries. Last night as I turned out the living room lights it shone humbly and sweetly in the dark. I think I should take a lesson from that little tree and find ways to shine myself.
I have a new responsibility at church. Today I will be a kind of mistress of ceremonies during the service. That is a Unity thing called being a “platform assistant”. It involves being behind the podium to welcome people, to read announcements, to invite people to stand to sing, to bless the offering, and other things that are written down for me to refer to. I might be a little apprehensive about this, which probably contributes to my little sense of unease.
Right now Chanticleer is singing, “In The Bleak Midwinter”. Chanticleer is a gay men’s choir based in San Francisco. Their voices blend so beautifully that whatever they sing is absolutely stunning. No instruments accompany them – they don’t really need anything more than their God-given voices to give me goosebumps. Already things are feeling more cheerful. Happy Holidays!