Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
A good fit
I live with a woman who is a laundry expert, a mattress maven and a bed sheet connoisseur. She is always on a search for the perfect mattress. Consequently we go through enough mattresses to qualify for the Guiness World Book of Records. Sadly, her efforts are wasted on me. I am a gifted sleeper and can fall asleep on just about any surface without any effort. However, I have come to appreciate the support of a good mattress.
To go mattress shopping with Jan is to commit yourself to trying out every mattress in the store. One time in Santa Fe we were perfect-mattress-shopping at Denver Mattress. I happened to be fighting with an episode of inner ear disturbance. Nevertheless, I was to lie down wherever there was a candidate mattress. Naturally, as soon as I started to get up off the mattress the whole store would be whirling around and I couldn’t stand up without falling down.
We have had perfect mattresses delivered only to have them picked up in a few days because they did not live up to expectations. Honestly, I don’t know how many different beds I have slept on in our 18 years together. As we sit in the store bargaining with the salesperson – another superpower of Jan’s – I tell myself not to get too attached to whatever product we are purchasing.
But the real reason for this blog is to brag about one of Jan’s greatest superpowers. She can fold a fitted sheet like no one else I’ve ever known. This includes king size sheets that are a huge expanse of cloth. No problem. When she is finished, there is a perfect 12 x 12 inch square of material.
I have watched her countless times be able to tame an unruly freshly laundered giant fitted sheet. She has tried to teach me, saying it’s really simple. All you do is pick up this corner, fit it into this corner, fold the…..yada yada yada. No matter how many times I’ve tried, my finished product is still the size of a dumpster. I don’t try anymore. I just watch in wonder.
The pinnacle of her foldmanship talent happened once after she had shoulder surgery. One arm was in a sling, and therefore not available for use. I made the mistake of saying that I did not think she would be able to handle the sheets, especially not the fitted one. Never doubt her ability to single handedly accomplish the task. Before my eyes Jan calmly folded the fitted giant into a manageable square that fit nicely in the linen closet. I have photographic evidence. I sent the picture to Katie. She says it’s witchcraft and I concur.
Well, there’s not much more to say about this other than to be proud of Jan’s spatial ability that can recognize the short side from the long side of a king size fitted sheet. I have secretly watched You Tube videos about this task hoping that I might find one that I could understand and thus impress my spouse with my prowess. No luck. Some things just should not be attempted by amateurs. Maybe in another lifetime.