Today’s blog
Lynn Murphy Mark
Brain fog
Not sure why this title came up this morning. Actually, I do know. My brain is tired and it needs a long Winter’s nap here at the edge of Spring. I know Spring is arriving because the birds are carrying on quite the symphony and little neon green leaves are sprouting from branches. There are signs of new growth everywhere. Even our square of pet turf looks greener.
I am in a state of joy at these signs of a new season, and my brain is still tired. Jan is recovering nicely, having had the chest tube removed successfully yesterday. This is cause for rejoicing, yet my brain is fatigued. I suppose it’s been a stressful few weeks and that accounts for the condition my condition is in. Regardless, gratitude prevails because Jan is through the worst of this episode. I can be tired and grateful at the same time.
Some beautiful flowers were delivered yesterday, sent by Ted and Sarah out in LA. They must have done some research and found a florist that carefully designs each arrangement so that no two look alike. Jan called the florist to tell them just how pretty this Spring bouquet is. Then she talked to Ted for about half an hour while I was away at a meeting. The flowers caught my brain’s attention and it perked up for a while, impressed by the combination of colors and blooms.
I went to a Prayer Chaplain meeting at church last night. Usually I am fired up – well, as fired up as a 9 on the Enneagram and an introvert can get. I enjoy the sharing and learning that we do in our monthly meeting. I get a lot out of the book that has been chosen for us to discuss throughout the year. This one is not my favorite, which did not help my brain fog. Even though the material in the chapter was compelling I was too tired to contribute much to the discussion.
I spent a couple of hours at work yesterday and was glad to be back in my cubby. I looked at all that is mine to do and, yes, it made me tired thinking about it. I’ll get over that, probably today when I can be there for several hours and get a lot done.
Now, all of these activities bring me joy and satisfaction. I know that will be the case whenever my brain decides to wake up and smell the coffee. Until then, I’ll put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Speaking of moving forward, my back is out of whack and I have not been able to do my daily ½ hour walk for over a week. It occurs to me that pain is exhausting and might account for my somber state. I also know that getting that walk in is critical to my sense of well-being.
I’m not writing this to get sympathy. I think it’s important to say that it’s OK to recognize an altered state and share it with others. We have different lives, but some things are universal. Being tired when our reserve of energy is lower than usual is something that most people get. Knowing how to navigate these waters is a sign of resilience. Trusting that this too shall pass is a sign of realistic hope. Doing the best with what we have at the time is a gift. Despite the wear and tear of these last couple of weeks I know that giving myself a chance to acknowledge the weariness is a smart thing to do. Today I will go with the flow of the hours and do what I can. That feels reasonable and responsible so that’s today’s plan and I’m sticking with it!