Lynn Murphy Mark
02/06/2022
Today I am compelled to write about a precious friend who very recently heard those three words that no one ever wants to experience, “You have cancer”. She is in a state of shock, in the beginning stages of discovering just how her life will change in the near future. Her Significant Other is doing all she can to rise above the inevitable thoughts that come with the three words. Both of them know that their lives are going to be disrupted, but don’t know yet to what extent.
They are starting on a voyage of discovery in uncharted territory. Soon there will be an initial meeting with a surgeon. A lot will be revealed during this appointment. The recommended type of surgery, the extent of which will hopefully be made clear, is the first item on the agenda. Odds are that surgery is just the opening salvo against the foreign cells that have taken up residence in my friend’s body. Thankfully, these days the variety of treatments that mitigate these foreign intruders are numerous. Oncologists have a huge arsenal of chemotherapy drugs, radiation options, and immunotherapy techniques.
Still, these first few days after such a diagnosis have to be confusing and frightening. I am so grateful that my friend only has a few days to wait and see the surgeon. Then the road ahead will be clearer, as a plan is put in place. There is still much information gathering to do and an MRI is also in her future so that the surgeon has as much information as possible before intervening with skill and care.
I am an old hospice nurse. In this case I have to remember that I only saw the people for whom treatment ultimately failed. I will not put my friend in this category but there is a little part of me that is worried sick. My usual reaction is to gather facts. I have been searching the internet for as much information as I can find about her type of cancer. I want to be a source of support for her, and maybe my part is to help unravel and clarify her concerns – the ones that strike after midnight on a sleepless night.
I have reminded her that there is a whole village behind her to support her and her partner. Family, friends, skilled caregivers, resource people – we are all lined up to step in when needed. It is an honor to be among this group. One of my jobs is to pray for the best possible outcome for my friend, and to call on my prayer chaplain group to pray with me on her behalf. We are a small but mighty group of prayer ninjas and maybe we are as essential as the medical personnel that will be a part of my friend’s life. I hope so.
And the important word here is “hope”. There is so much to hope for as we all love our friend through this experience. I simply ask that Holy Spirit spread a mantle of healing and wholeness over us all.
1 thought on “Three Words”
Having been in healthcare for 10 years watching families and friends praying for a cure in even the most dire circumstances, I always asked myself why didn’t they ask the patient what they wanted, what were the patient’s wishes and concerns, and how could I assist/facilitate the patient’s wishes? When I asked the patient these questions (after family & friends had returned home), the inevitable question that the patient truly wanted to know came forward: “what do you think it will be like when I die?” I once heard a Pastor tell a dying patient at the hospital that the answer to this question was “streets of gold; there will be streets of gold.” Astonished at such an answer, I sat down and talked to this patient I’d not met until that moment and told him, “I experienced an NDE (near death experience) when I was 14 and this is what I saw, heard, and experienced on a spiritual level.” He told me later, with the pastor still sitting there, that having a sense of where he was going allowed him to decide what he wanted to do with his remaining time: visit with other’s as much as he could? meditate on what he’d accomplished in his life (so did he need more time to complete his life’s mission)? and if he required more time, what level of treatment (side effects, probability of cure vs. extra time, and his own peace of mind) was he willing to experience, and would such a sacrifice be worth it (allow him to spiritually develop beyond where he was now)?
His biggest concern was what family & friends would think if he chose “not to fight” and to instead, spend his time working on developing his Inner Peace. I told him that for those who wanted to fight, that was fine; yet those who wanted to fight for the sake of keeping other’s happy often found no Inner Peace. Each person’s Spirit knows what their future is, whether it is more years of life or more time with their loved ones. Their Spirit will lead them in the right direction every time if they are allowed to choose (with their loved one’s support and unconditional love) their own destiny moving forward. This is the Gift I give others. I support their choice. Blessings.
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