Lynn Murphy Mark
01/29/2022
This piece is about spontaneity. I can say that I have agreed to do things on the spur of the moment and have enjoyed the activity. Sometimes, though, I have made decisions on the spot that were not wise at all.
I remember one day at St. Mary’s when I talked Debby into leaving work at mid-day and going to a movie at the theatre down the street from the hospital. Debby only did this because I was her boss and I gave her permission. I wanted her to know that it is possible to step out of the box and do something unexpected. I’d like to think that she learned something that day. I also know that structure was important to her because she had 5 boys and a needy husband and most of her life was centered around the boys in her household, leaving very little time to be spontaneous!
I have decided to do physical things spontaneously, mostly involving water. I have jumped off a 40 foot cliff into Lake of the Ozarks. I have jumped off cliffs on float trips. I swam to a waterfall in Havasu Falls and stood in the little rock cavern behind the falls and agreed with myself that life was really really good. I agreed to take SCUBA lessons without a second thought on our honeymoon on Grand Cayman Island. I decided to take time off from work and become a SCUBA instructor.
Spontaneity does not mean that no thought preceded the act. But truly, standing at my kitchen window, I made a spontaneous decision to get a divorce. A lot of things built up to that moment but the decision to put the idea into words happened quickly, without a lot of thought at that instant. It absolutely felt like the right thing to do.
I have made many a decision in a split second. I remember when we were living in Florida, and Jan asked me what I thought of moving back to Saint Louis. Without thinking it over, I agreed, and we started a plan that night to orchestrate a move. Again, it felt like the absolute right thing to do.
Once I have made up my mind to do something, I generally follow through. I make up my mind quickly – sometimes too quickly. I have made career decisions spontaneously, without thinking through the ramifications. For example, I left my career in Psychiatric nursing with very little thought. I had been confronted by my boss and I knew that our relationship was not going to be on a solid footing, and that he was out to “get me”. I agreed to change careers and work in Hospice in the space of a minute when an opportunity was presented to me. Where others might have asked for time to think over such a change, I was ready to jump in with both feet.
I have made mistakes by deciding on things without thinking it through. For example, I fell hook line and sinker into buying a time share just because I liked the idea. So I signed on the dotted line and bought into a program that was expensive and really hard to get out of later. This is a perfect example of spontaneity gone wrong. I also remember attending a weekend seminar just because a friend recommended it. Not long into it, I felt like I had signed up to join a cult. I made a quick decision to leave. I was followed out into the parking lot by staff, insisting that I needed to stay. They literally stood behind my car as I got into it. I had to tell them that I was going to back out of the parking spot and if they valued their lives they would move out of the way. They did.
I have spent money I didn’t necessarily have because, well, I wanted whatever it was. This is not so much spontaneity as it is a way of thinking that I want what I want when I want it. This means that I have not always made the best decisions about money. I have bought things that I didn’t really need. I am in one of those phases now because I am counting on selling my house in Santa Fe for a good price, which will give me an infusion of cash. So I am putting all manner of things on my credit card, and thinking about big ticket items like a new MacBook Air and a Keurig coffee maker, when the house sells.
I wonder how much of this is due to being an only child. Also, I learned a lesson from my mother. She was a stay at home mom with no source of income other than what my father gave her. At some point I decided I would never settle for that. So, I have been financially independent most of my life. I have also been the beneficiary of money left to me by relatives, money that always came at a time when it was needed! And without my asking for it or knowing ahead of time of its’ existence.
Some of my travel decisions have been made spontaneously. I’ve gotten ideas, decided on the spot to bring them to life, and been on my way to adventure. I’ve booked cruises, airline tickets, mapped out road trips, and then checked my schedule and my bank account to make sure I could afford the time and money. Backwards. I know. But some epic trips have resulted. Ireland, Canada, Mexico, the Grand Canyon, the Florida Keys, Fort Lauderdale, Jacksonville, Barcelona, Benidorm, Paris, Geneva, to name a few.
My friend Rose is at once scheduled and spontaneous. She’s 80 but still very involved in the life of her community so she attends lots of meetings. But, if something comes up in her spare time she is game to do it. So, I see how one can be responsible and be off the cuff as long as one is willing!
So, I’ve hardly ever been a person who says, “I have to think about that first!” when an occasion presents itself.