On Friendship

Lynn Murphy Mark

01/15/2022

This is a little anecdote about the Wild Women photo from the 1990’s that hangs on my bedroom wall. We called ourselves the Wild women and we met at least once a month for laughter and food and sharing. I remember the day it was taken like it was yesterday. I still have a close, loving friendship with the women in that picture. They are Rose, Katie, Marilyn, Peggy, and myself.

There was a day that four of us organized to honor Rose, who was going to be returning to South Africa. We had a ring made for her out of silver and an amethyst of my mother’s that she had purchased while we lived in Brazil. The five of us went to the jewelry store in Webster Groves and surprised her with the gift. She still wears that ring. Later that day, Katie had arranged for a photographer to take a portrait of us together, holding drums. We each dressed in the wildest thing we had in our closets.

When I look at the picture I see five women laughing and reveling in the pure joy of our friendship. This was a journey that started with a book, “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. We had read the book, discussed every chapter in terms of what it meant to each of us, and talked about ways in which we were going to develop our spirits of adventure and of change. We gathered at least once a month. I wrote a poem about what it meant to be in such company and be open to new experiences. 

If I remember right, after we were done with the book most of us made pretty significant changes. Katie and Kemet moved to New Mexico. Rose returned to South Africa to finish her work there. Marilyn moved to San Francisco to get a Masters in Feminine Spirituality. I quit my management job in Psychiatry and moved to Hospice. The only one of us who did not make a change was Peggy. In retrospect I think Peggy had organized her life after a recent divorce just how she wanted it to be and was not ready to make any more changes. Oddly, Peggy is the first one of us to make her transition.

I remember the unadulterated happiness that marked that day from so long ago. The five of us shared such a bond of feminine energy and loved being in one another’s company. Each of us shares the gift of a great sense of humor. That energy fairly radiates from the picture. 

I wrote this poem for us.

“As a small gathering of women

We join to celebrate, to reflect, to laugh, to

            Receive and to give.

In this place, together, we are free to roam beyond 

            Our usual boundaries,.

Venturing out into the realm of the wild woman

            We open ourselves to the power of these possibilities.

If we respect the unexpected we may also find its gift.

If we nourish our outrage we may give voice to its questions.

If we embrace our anger we may befriend its source

If we study our fear we may learn to soar over its walls.

If we cherish our own lament we may share its wisdom with others.

As a small gathering of women

We acknowledge our collective gifts and rejoice in

            Their power.

With support from one another we believe that from

            Every stop along our journey there is more than one direction.

With love for each other we learn that the richest

            Tapestry is woven with threads collected from odd places.

Because we know that change is assured we vow to preserve this place

            In our hearts, knowing that we can return at

            Any time to find what we need.”

Lynn Murphy Mark

November 22, 1994